Hey "Nice Guys"

Written in love for the boys/men "finishing last", living in the "friend-zone", getting told "I love you" exclusively as a friend, getting walked all over, et cetera...here is your explanation from the female psyche 

1. "Girls always say that they want a nice guy, but then they go for the jerk"
• We like the idea of a bad boy (Danny from "Grease", Edward Cullin from "Twilight", Patrick from "10 Things I Hate about You", Landon from "A Walk to Remember", Will from "Good Will Hunting", etc.) because they're strong (or, at least, they appear to be). We love to entertain the thought that if we were the object of Batman's affections, he would do some serious Batman damage to the person who threatened to harm us. Jerks tend to possess the characteristics essential to survival: strength, perseverance, and protective instincts with a "take no prisoners" attitude.  We yearn to be protected and kept safe. We want to be cherished, to feel like something pricelessly precious. Would you lay a hand on Wolverine's woman? I highly doubt it.
• Jerks appear to be super confident (even though often the opposite is true). Confidence is attractive in both men and women, it's what lures the "mates" in. Jerks are strong-willed. Sometimes they're quietly confident without needing to say much while other times they can't seem to keep their mouths shut. They tend to know how to lead a group...in fact, it usually comes naturally and without effort. So when the guy everyone knows chooses to focus his attention on us, we're borderline starstruck.
• As women, we are typically the nurturers. In most cases, we are viewed as the more sensitive, emotional, and caring of the two genders. For reasons of which I myself am unsure, we love to fix. Alongside being protected and cherished, we relish the opportunity to take a bad boy as our next project. Look at mainstream music. Taylor Swift talks about it in a ton of her songs (Dear John, Red, I Knew You Were Trouble, Haunted, etc.), Carrie Underwood warns girls about these bad boys in Cowboy Casanova and Good Girl, Lady Gaga wants a bad boy in Edge of Glory and sings about the devastation left behind by them in Speechless, Judas, and Monster. The list goes on and you don't need to look very far. Though it doesn't make much sense, we crave it; and as a result, we often knowingly enter into dangerous territory for the thrill of it.
• As much as loving "the chase" is typically attributed to men, it is true for women as well. While most of us eventually want marriage, family life, and so on, if there's no chase then it gets boring...fast. Even within the boundaries of an exclusive relationship with a bad boy the girl still has to chase him. It's the perfect balance of knowing we're desired (because he chose us) with never fully understanding his mystic that originally and continually draws us in. As much as we'll deny it, we like the game. We like the thrill of not knowing for sure and we like investigating to figure it out. Bad boys are dark and mysterious. We love the process of getting to who you really are because when we get there, it will be like "our little secret"—something special that only we have.
2. The Friend Zone
• Every guy knows and fears it. But guys, some of you cannonball right into the deepest part of it. I was talking to my high school Spanish teacher the other day and he said (on the friend zone) "they chop their own feet off! How are you supposed to run a race with no feet?!" Bingo. Couldn't have said it better myself. You may think that you're establishing trust that is necessary for relationships by being there for a girl when she's having boy problems, but you're just taking a chainsaw to your ankles. I know what you're thinking: "this is so great, she's so hot and awesome. We hang out all the time and we can talk about anything and I think she really trusts me!" Congrats, sir, you have been sentenced to the friend zone. Most likely for a very long time, if not forever.
• Subjects girls talk about with friend-zoned victims: dating other guys, shaving their legs, a certain monthly visitor, clothes (and clothes advice), their wedding pinterest boards, shopping, or any chick movie, book, or TV show (Nicholas Sparks, How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days, Twilight, Say Yes to the Dress, ANTM, etc.). We discuss things we have in common with people...that's how friendships are formed. So if sweet Sarah is talking about how much she hates shaving her legs and asks which jeans look better with the new sweater she just got for half off, you can deny it all you want, but you've just become the "gay best friend". 
• If I had to guess, I'd say that most guys finding themselves in the friend zone are there because they are giving way too much of their attention to the girl that they so desire. Like I said before, girls love the chase. Getting friend-zoned requires you to spend a lot of time with the friend-zoner. If you make it clear that you're super available and clingy, she'll either toss you in the friend zone or toss you out entirely because it's just too much.
3. "Nice guys finish last"
• This is the male equivalent to the female "it's just that guys are intimidated by me". Um, no, they aren't intimidated by you--you smell like old cheese and fart whenever you laugh. "Nice guys finish last"...really? It's a cop-out. Blame the entire female population for the rejection that you've received (that was most likely completely fair) because you aren't man enough to accept it. 
• I would love if a "nice guy" could explain what "nice" entails. I say people are "nice" when I don't like them and I don't want to be rude. If "nice" is your identifier, then if there is ever a point when you are in the lead, I will find you and trip you because you deserve to finish dead last. No one remembers the "nice" people. You agree with everything, allow yourself to be walked all over, never stand up for yourself or state your opinion, and then complain about how you finish last. You know why "compassionate" guys don't finish last? "Funny"? "Respectful?" "Honest"? Probably because they're running. You "nice" guys quit before the gun is even fired.
• Which brings up the complaining issue. You wave at a girl who doesn't see you and therefore doesn't wave back and you're off sulking because "nice guys finish last". That's obviously a bit of a hyperbole, but just because you and Suzy weren't compatible and she called it off before you knew what was wrong doesn't mean you're "finishing last". Why are women determining the rate at which you're running, anyway? I'm sorry that I don't want to text you every second of the day about what I'm doing and feeling, but you did this to yourself. Don't even act like I'm the bad guy because I'm busy and consider texting to be the lowest possible form of communication. Or maybe when we talk, we're never actually talking about anything and it's awkward. You aren't losing the race because the two things you can't live without are Nickelback's Greatest Hits and George Lopez Complete Stand-up Comedy Collection on DVD. We don't have anything in common. That's all it is. Funny thing about common interests...you gotta have em. 

While women are complicated on levels that even I (as a woman) cannot understand, this is not too complex. But, then again, it could be a mystery of the female mind that I can access solely because of my gender. Essentially what I'm saying is if you're doing what you're most passionate about, things will fall into place and you won't have to force a relationship or feelings out of a girl you're interested in. I'm not excusing the things that we do, either. I'm just explaining why it happens so guys can see it practically as opposed to this great, ominous wonder that no one will ever have the ability to comprehend. Obviously, hearing about how nice guys get the short end of the stick is one of my pet peeves, so I wanted to break it down and possibly provide some clarity. 

Thanks for dropping in!

What Genuine Relationships Cannot Survive Without

One of my main focuses for this year (as well as for the rest of my life) is to "be where my feet are". Yes, it is difficult to physically be somewhere where your feet are not, don't get smart with me.
My goal is to be present. My time belongs to the people in front of me, right now. I've been doing a lot of observing. I've been studying the relationships around me: romantic, friendships, "enemies", colleagues, marriages, etc. I've noticed two things that are most often lacking: accountability and, my goal for this school year, presence.

ACCOUNTABILITY:
I talked about this issue with my dear friend Andrew Brown the other day. He told me about how we live in an individualistic society and the concept of authentic accountability is taboo because it is "judgmental", "intolerant", or "misunderstood". Everything is about the self these days, even in Christianity. We mask our selfishness with "churchy" things or community service, but we can't do any of those things without putting it on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter as evidence that we were there, to draw the attention back to ourselves. Even in our quiet times, that are intended to be private and intimate, we post pictures, text our friends, or post a Bible verse somewhere where everyone can see and "like" it. Sure, there is an element of reaching out and encouraging others, but are we brave enough to strip it down and be 100% transparent and honest with ourselves about our real motives? And if anyone were to call us out, would we not call it "persecution" or "judgement"?

We Christians looooove to hear about God's love and grace and mercy, but we have a bit of a problem with, what's that word again? Oh yeah: conviction. I heard a pastor say a couple weeks ago, "I know this is convicting and I apologize for that..." WHY ARE YOU APOLOGIZING?! Conviction is the stirring in our hearts and spirits that keeps our faith and walk with Christ from growing stagnant. Conviction keeps us on our knees in a holy and humble reverence that cannot exist where pride resides. Not only are we dishonest with others, but we are even more dishonest with ourselves. We can't even be real with the familiar face in the mirror (to be as cliche as possible). When asked about our weaknesses, we genuinely believe that they are primarily "caring too much", "working too hard", or "spending too much time serving others". I'll speak for myself: I know that there are MANY times when I am too ashamed to look inwardly and acknowledge that I am one of the most self-centered people I've ever met. That I gossip way too much. That I straight up judge people based on how they look and decide within a matter of seconds whether or not they are worth my efforts of friendship. I'm rude, impatient, lazy, and anxious. I spend more time worrying than depending on God. These are just scratching the surface. My core is ugly. That's why I need a Savior. If I was perfect, then I'd be fine on my own. We are so dirty, inside and out. We were born dirty and every day of our lives we continue to make ourselves dirtier and uglier. We've been made totally clean and pure (see Isaiah 53), but we read and listen to the amazing story of Christ's redemption of our souls--that would otherwise perish--without any regard for our unworthiness. We see ourselves as worthy, or dare I say better, because we're "Christians". We don't drink, we don't have sex, we don't smoke, we don't do drugs. I mean, look at me compared to this guy who's swearing like a sailor and getting lit eight days a week. Look at me compared to this girl who's practically a prostitute. Hey, here's a thought, how about "look at me contrasted with Jesus Christ". Listen, I do it too. More often than not, I'm saying it in the secrecy of my mind rather than out loud, but my thoughts determine my actions. Accountability is one sinner reaching out to a fellow sinner in love and understanding to give a way to live more like Jesus did. That's what we're striving for, isn't it? Since we're so focused on convincing ourselves that we're far more Christian or better than people, we can't hear confrontation...and that's in the rare event that confrontation actually takes place. In most cases, it never happens because we're too scared of the discomfort. We're too scared that someone would get mad. We're afraid of hurting someone's feelings or disrupting a way of life because of how it would negatively affect us personally. Plus, if we hold someone accountable, that gives him the right to hold us accountable as well, and as I said, we don't want any of that. It's amazing to me how I can shift the blame from myself to the other person in less time than it takes for the person to say what he's trying to say. If you love someone then you "want God's best for him, expect nothing in return, and know it will probably cost you something" (David Kowalke). In Christian relationships, accountability is crucial. When the spotlight is on me because of something I did wrong, it feels like you're the sadistic kid with the salt and I'm the slug. But within the walls of a Christ-centered friendship and a Christ-driven focus, to love someone means to hold him accountable because you want the very best for him.

BE WHERE YOUR FEET ARE
By a show of hands, how many of you have friends that text the entire time you're together? How many of you are that friend? How many of you, at any given time, could tell me where your boyfriend is, what he's eating, who he's with, what he's thinking about? If my feet are next to you, then that is where I strive to be. I cannot tell you the number of times that I have been talking about something and watch as my friends text while I'm in the middle of saying something that is important to me. Separately, how many times is it acceptable to talk about a boyfriend or girlfriend within a time frame of, let's say....five minutes? Is two or three okay? What about one story and one quote?

This. Has. Got. To. Stop. For people in relationships who can't go a day without speaking or seeing one another, you have to deal with dependency and self-worth (not to mention denial) issues down the road and that is an entirely separate topic and frankly none of my business. But for the sake of this topic, you may think that you're doing a good job dividing your time by spending a certain amount with friends, a certain amount with family, and a certain amount with your boo thing, but many of you are not actually where your feet are. While you may think that you're getting the best of both worlds, you're shafting the person you're with because you care more about what is on your sweetie's sandwich or what homework assignment he's doing than the friend who is sitting right in front of you talking. You're sending the message (no pun intended) that your friend is not worth all of your attention. Maybe it's because I'm a bit of an extremist, but honestly, if I have the common courtesy to give you my attention, and especially if I really care about our friendship and our time together, and you aren't satisfied by that and need to be entertained elsewhere at the same time, then I don't want any of your time.

Being where your feet are is not limited to simply not texting when with others. I'm sorry to target those in relationships because it most definitely is not everyone but it is the most obvious example. Let's say you put the phone down...awesome. Except now, all I hear about is Sam. What Sam had for breakfast, what you and Sam did that is similar to what we're doing, what Sam's family is doing today, what grade Sam got on his midterm, the jobs Sammie is applying for, how Sam fell off his bike and where it hurts, when Sam I Am is going home for break, Sam's favorite movie, what Same ALWAYS orders at Wendy's. I'm sorry, but I really couldn't care less about the color of the shirt your wittle Sammy wammy is wearing today and I doubt many people would disagree with me (with the exception of maybe his mother). Plus, when you find it necessary to share every detail of his life with me, the things about your relationship that are relevant, necessary, and things your friends would be excited about for you become irritating and just a little bit closer to reaching the straw to break the camel's back. Oh, you have to check with your boyfriend before knowing for sure what you're doing this weekend? Yeah I kind of figured.

It's really hard to be where your feet are all the time. And if you know someone who can execute the task flawlessly, please get me their number so I can get step-by-step instructions. But having friends who completely fail to be present with me has taught me to be more private and keep most things to myself, because the sad fact of the matter is that if people can't give me their attention, it would be foolish to believe that they would give me any genuine sympathy, support, encouragement, or even just the gift of listening. And I would be lying if I said it was something I would gladly do for others without having it in return. Unfortunately I'm not Jesus, who was always present (I mean, He's omnipresent always, but I'm talking about when he was in the flesh). In the gospels, read about Jesus and His miracles; they were almost exclusively interruptions to a bigger thing or place that He was trying to get to. But He gave every interruption and every person His full attention.

Post Script: I'm talking about both issues in extremes. And since most of my friends are in romantic relationships, this does not apply to all of them. But it does tend to be a majority. And I was (and still am) guilty of dividing my attention when I'm with people, but it wasn't until this summer when I started observing everyone that I realized how big of an issue it is. I'm sorry that this is a rant and I know it goes against what everyone thinks is what "has to happen", but just do me a favor and consider it. If you took the time to read this, all I ask is that you think about it for a second and what both genuine accountability and attentive presence would do for you and your relationships. And I ask that if you are a friend of mine, that you hold me accountable to every word that I say.

Surrender

If you were to ask me when I was "saved", I would tell you that I felt God's presence for the first time when I was in seventh grade at a "spiritual emphasis" event that my school entertained every year. I went through the whole "pray this prayer" and the tears and the hugging and the "with every head bowed and with every eye closed" shebang (Christian school kids: you know exactly what I'm talking about). I'm not going to open up a debate about "once saved always saved" or entertain hypothetical scenarios about if I had died the next day where my soul would have spent its eternity or anything like that. I just know that that experience was the start of an inward transformation. It took three years, but I truly trusted God with my life and started following Jesus when I was in tenth grade. I can't pinpoint a specific date or sermon or praise and worship song, but I do know that that was the year when I surrendered, in full, to the King of kings and I haven't looked back. Maybe I'm not qualified to say anything about any of this because I've been active in my faith for a mere four or five years. And there is room for that I suppose, but to that I would say that based off of Biblical characters such as Paul, I don't believe that God uses duration of faith as a qualification for much of anything. He uses a surrendered and an eager spirit, which is my main point.

I went to Christian school in Michigan for preschool through half of second grade and then again in North Carolina for half of sixth grade through my senior year of high school. I remember when I was younger seeing posters on the walls with cute sayings about trusting God. Some had little animated characters on them, others had baby animals. The words were typically written with some bold and colorful font. I remember one acronym specifically: FROG--Fully Rely On God. Clever, right? It's an easy way to remember a simple command.

Okay, now pause. Let me elaborate on what I mean when I say "a simple command". Nothing is really stimulated intellectually when I say or when you read the acronym "fully rely on God". It's simple to understand. It's simple to claim "I have faith in God" and it's simple for the person listening to comprehend what you are saying. But allow me to be clear (and I can really only speak for myself though I believe I am not alone in this): there is very little that is simple or easy about getting to a place where I can truthfully say that I fully rely on God. I'd venture to say that there is nothing simple about that. It's painful, it can be ugly, and it means going against everything that our society would have us do.

Yesterday, I found myself seriously hesitating to give God control over every part of my life. And let's be honest: that was not the first time and I'm certain it will not be the last. At the beginning of this post when I said that in tenth grade I surrendered, in full, to Christ, that was the first time. As a Christian, that surrender is supposed to occur every day, every hour, every second. It is a relentless surrender. If I were to just scratch the surface of the question: "is a person once saved, always saved?" I would say that many people find themselves where I found myself in seventh grade at least once in their lives. I AM NOT QUALIFIED TO SAY FOR CERTAIN AND MY OPINION COULD CHANGE AT ANY TIME BECAUSE I AM NINETEEN YEARS OLD WITH A LOT TO LEARN AND I AM IN NO WAY MAKING ANY JUDGMENTS...but...I think many people feel the overwhelming presence of God, surrender to that presence in the heat of the moment with a lot of people around and emotions going haywire, and then leave it at that. Pardon my boldness, but I'm not sure I believe that that is true surrender. My decision in tenth grade was made consciously. It was a rational decision and I cannot pinpoint specifics about when I did it because it was a mental and a spiritual decision before it was an emotional one. But that decision to surrender should be a moment to moment ritual.

"And a scribe came up and said to [Jesus], 'Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.' And Jesus said to him, 'Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.' Another of the disciples said to him, 'Lord, let me first go and bury my father.' And Jesus said to him, 'Follow me, and leave the dead to bury their own dead.'" 

Matthew 8:19-22 ESV

Had these men made the decision then and there to follow Jesus, every day they would have to choose to continue following Jesus. What we Christians don't think about sometimes is how easy it is to just stop following Jesus. We can get a little sidetracked while we're walking, or get tired, or hungry, or just flat-out lazy. These men could easily turn around and have a comfortable place to sleep or spend time with a mourning family. They could trail far behind Jesus claiming to "follow" Him, but really hang back because they are still holding on to something outside of what Jesus wants and has for them. But, the further those men would follow Jesus away from those things, the more difficult it would be for them to go back to those comforts because they would be so close to Jesus and so far from their former lives. Neither one of the things the men are holding on to is inherently sinful, but a life with Jesus means living radically. It means surrendering constantly and immediately. It means releasing control and giving up the life I've planned for myself. It means having unswerving faith in God over every part of me. It means a new life and a new purpose so grand, the thought of the life I'd planned becomes repulsive and embarrassing. It means that choosing to live this life that was so graciously given to me is all or nothing with no turning back.

Hello sophomore year!

I'm just so filled with all kinds of joy and happiness right now, I'm having some difficulty collecting my thoughts. Let me try:

This year is unfolding perfectly. I just got back from Overflow and let me just say that Port City Community Church in Wilmington, North Carolina is the best thing that has happened to me since I've started my college journey. This Sunday, our pastor (Mike Ashcraft) started a series called "This is My Church" and those four words hit the nail right on the head. I love going to church. It's rarely a chore and it's almost always what I want and prefer to do. That's a gift if I've ever received one. And with having dreams of someday going into ministry, working at Port City seems a whole lot like a dream come true. But that's not my choice to make :)

My roommates are so, so wonderful. I truly love them to pieces. There is no way, however, that I can reasonably expect to leave this year without having at least a slight southern accent. Ya'll are souuuutherrrrrrn and I love it. Thank you for always including me and introducing me to new people. It's the greatest. I love living in an apartment and having my own car here is awesome, praise the Lord for that!

My parents are outstanding to say the absolute least. Mom always goes all out on decorating and my room is amazing. I'm obsessed with it. It is beautiful and perfect and it is all thanks to her. Saying goodbye to them breaks my heart but then I get to think about how blessed I am that I love them enough to experience pain in the goodbyes! If it was an easy "see ya later", then I think we would have an issue. But I love them so, so much and I know that they love me and that's a really great feeling. Thank you for everything mom and dad, you're always at the top of my list.

Classes and my new nannying job start tomorrow and I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. But I'm excited. I'm getting more into the major that I love (Communication Studies) and (as opposed to last year) I will have an income! Getting that job was so stress-free and easy, I'm a little worried it's too good to be true!

Real talk though: I'm nervous about making friends. How lame does that sound?? Embarrassing. I feel like I'm behind too since I'm a sophomore. I've signed up for a small group through PC3 and I plan to do SAO (the Christian sorority). I'm blessed with a few friends who love Jesus passionately, but I want and need a close circle of friends who are just completely captivated by Jesus so that we can have a God-centered friendship. I need accountability and encouragement to be the best that I can be. And I want to be able to give the same things I need! While I'm a little nervous about it, my time here these past couple days has really put me at ease because I know I serve a God who is sovereign over everything and I have nothing to fear. Hasta la vista anxiety, don't let the door hit you on your way out!

I'm striving to embody the Proverbs 31 woman more and more and my goal this year is to face every tomorrow with a smile and without fear. Praising God at this high point in my life and trusting His omniscient and compassionate guidance.

Some tips for those of you preparing to go off to college for the first time.

I don't know how valuable my opinion is, but I wanted to give incoming college freshmen a few tips based off of my experience that I think I would have liked to have known prior to starting my freshman year. Some may sound like a parent, but trust me: when you're in my position a year from now, you'll look back and say to yourself "ohhhh! THAT'S what she meant!". So, humbly, here we go!

• Go to church. It's one of the most important things I can tell you. Isn't it like 80-90% of church-going high-schoolers don't go to church in college? Whatever it may be, fight it. Hard. Even if you have to go by yourself. You'll want to sleep, eat, watch tv, whatever, but going to church provides stability, routine, and discipline all necessary to your relationship with Christ. Not to mention, Jesus tells us to do it. College kids are not the exception, contrary to common belief.
• Not everyone drinks. I know, "duh" right? Well, no. The good eggs are tough to find, ya'll. Let's just be honest. The drinking crowd is the easiest crowd to get in with because all you have to have in common is a love for getting ratchet...which you can easily develop if you didn't have it prior to college. If you find yourself looking around you and literally no one can have a good time sober, you're not looking hard enough. Don't sit in your dorm and mope, get out there. You have nothing to lose. Christian organizations, neighbors, Facebook creep, classes, church, etc. If you're going to party that's fine, just don't say it was because it was the only option.
• Food moderation. For those of you like me, you will have a tendency to essentially starve yourselves because you'll forget to eat. I know that sounds silly, but your parents are not stocking your fridge (well, some of your parents might be financially stocking it, but the responsibility still lies with you) and you have to stay on top of it. I had a hard time justifying spending my money on food that my mom would usually buy...I had to get over it and bite the bullet. Obviously the opposite is more true than my scenario: Freshman 15. UNCW overall is a really fit school, so things like eating healthy and going to the gym are highly encouraged and really popular (gotta keep up the beach bod), but even with that being the case--you have a lot of free time, more than you will know what to do with. Do not eat because you are bored. Fight it. Chew copious amounts of gum if you have to. Oh, and beer and most alcoholic beverages are loaded with calories, the beer belly is not a myth and ladies it is not cute.
• Do not overwhelm yourself, especially first semester. People push "GET INVOLVED GET INVOLVED GET INVOLVED!!" and yes, you absolutely should, but at your own pace. Everything worth being a part of happens outside of your comfort zone but you need to know yourself and to know your limits. This is a huge transition. Taking it slow can be very beneficial, too. 
• Every freshman is the new kid. Cliche, I know. But don't ever let yourself think that you're alone in this, because you've got hundreds, if not thousands of kids right there with you. Some show it differently but you're all in the same boat.
• You don't have to have every step of your life planned out. This was huge for me. It's totally okay to just chill. You have to take core classes anyways, so if you don't know your major yet, CALM DOWN. It's most likely going to change, anyway. Take a variety of classes within the core selection and see what you like. Literally everyone is going to ask you what your major is. That doesn't mean you need to know. Answer differently every time or tell them majors that don't exist, I don't know! Just don't stress. God's gonna get you there, don't you worry bout a thang.
• You don't have to be everyone's best friend. Surprise! We aren't in high school anymore! Always be kind and always be respectful, but there are no cliques for you to try to squeeze your way into and you don't have to go around trying to be the "most popular" unless you're running for class president. 
• Study. For hours upon days upon weeks. It will come more naturally than you think (this is for those of you who are like me and didn't have to put much time into high school work) but it will also blindside you when your medium effort lands you a D that usually would have no doubt gotten you an A. Cs get degrees, remember that.
• Authentic friendships take time. The friendships I made in middle and high school at NRCA were and are just amazing. I connect with those people on every level. So, I went to college thinking I would immediately find those same connections in people I had just met. Obviously, I was wrong. I may be speaking to a minority here because I think this is mostly common sense, but if you feel like you have the really deep friendships that I do, understand that those took years to get to the place where they are now. Just be prepared to start from scratch with people. Which means some awkward small talk sometimes a lot. You will build, though. You just have to give it time. It's amazing how connections deepen and strengthen even just from August to May. If you try to force it, you could ruin it and miss out on valuable and memorable steps along the way.
• You will start to lose contact with old friends. It's okay. It's natural and not a terrible thing. The people who care the most about you will make the effort and vice versa. 
• Going home every weekend makes it difficult for people to get to know you. You can do it, yes, absolutely. You can do it quite well in fact. All I'm saying is that the weekend is when you can do a lot more with people and spend a lot of time with them. If you're spending that time at home, you have to play catch up every time you come back. It's definitely possible, but it's also harder. We all detach from home at different rates, some are slower than others. I personally don't find myself needing to go home that often (I got sick first semester which caused me to come home a lot for appointments, and if anyone would like to know about it feel free to ask) but others have a very, very difficult time being away and it's heartbreaking to watch. Just know for those of you who are homebodies that it's painful but you will get through it and you will grow, a lot. Sometimes you need to endure the pain though.
• Sleep. 
• The dining hall will get old after about a week. Know of other food to eat or you'll be in trouble.
• Have a good study spot. Not a lot of people I knew actually studied in their dorms. I won't post my study spot so fellow Seahawks don't snag it, but having a routine place is comforting in a weird way. You can study anywhere on campus, go on little adventures by yourself! It's very peaceful, actually.
• Don't bring up politics or religion with someone who obviously believes the opposite. Seriously. This is coming from THE lover of all arguments. It is not worth it. Think of your motives when you start: if it's pride, the love of a fight, anger, the need to "correct" or be right, to appear intelligent--put that puppy to sleep. Jog it off, take a lap, count to ten, some deep breaths--whatever gets you zen. I went from being the person in high school who was up in arms at ANY argument to the almost silent college kid, by choice. I shouldn't be silent, I know, the point is that "only a fool says everything on his mind." Don't be a fool because you'll be publicly made one. Ignorant arrogance is a terrible thing.
• Finally: be yourself. Ya'll, this is the best part. People want to know you. People want to know your quirkiness, weirdness, everything that makes you, YOU! Don't try to "fit in" because the only way to fit in is by being an individual. Everyone can relate to weirdness, no one can relate to perfection. Do you. And while you're doing you, your path will cross with the paths of those similar to you, and thus, friendship! Be confident in your unique and radiant individuality. Every second you spend pretending to be someone else is a second you have wasted that was intended for only you to fulfill in a very important and specific way. Don't miss opportunities because of that. 

And that about sums it up for what I'd like to publicly say. I'm pretty much an open book so if anyone wanted to talk about anything or pray about the upcoming four years, please contact me. I'd love to do anything I can to add some comfort to this huge transition. Facebook, twitter, texting, email, phone calls--I'm pretty accessible! 

Call on Jesus for everything, both college related and not. If you're following Him, you will not be led astray. 

Interruptions

I've noticed as I've gotten older, especially when I'm really passionate about something, that I am a very "destination-oriented" person. When I want something or need to get somewhere, I am extremely punctual and relentless in achieving what I need to achieve. Everything is done with a sense of urgency. Even in conversation, if I'm on a roll and I get interrupted, it makes me so angry and I get all frazzled and can't remember what I was saying. I am that way to a fault but it's also a negative thing because I am only that way about the things that I care most about. If I don't care, then it is very apparent and I am lazy. Regardless, I speak on behalf of most "type-As" when I say that the details along the way to an end goal are not very important and if anyone or anything stands in the way of that end goal, it would be in his best interest to be fully armed and protected as he will be plowed over. Ruthless, abrasive, aggressive, overbearing, controlling, over-confident, extreme, intense, impulsive, perfectionistic...pick your adjective of choice. It's a fine example of a God-given personality trait that is incredibly powerful when He uses it and remarkably destructive when I use it.

My point (yes, I have one, just bear with me) is crazy for me. I've noticed while reading the Bible and listening to sermons and what not that almost all of Jesus' miracles are interruptions. He was always going somewhere else or those firsthand receiving the miracles were going somewhere else when their paths crossed.

• On His way back to the Temple in John 9, Jesus heals the blind man with dirt and spit
• On His way to heal a man's 12-year-old daughter, He heals the woman with the hemorrhages in Luke 8
• In Luke 7, a family is carrying their son's coffin to his funeral while Jesus was on the way to another village. Their paths cross and Jesus raises the boy from the dead. 
• In Matthew 9, Jesus and His disciples had just gotten off the boat to return to Jesus' hometown when some men carried a paraplegic man on a stretcher to Him and Jesus healed him.
• When Jesus is on His way to Capernaum in Matthew 8, He heals a leper.

The list goes on and on. Every second of His time spent on earth is in anticipation for when His "time" (as it is often referred to as in John) comes...His purpose...His destination. But Jesus isn't a bulldozer. And that doesn't mean His destination is unimportant, I think we all know that. His destination is and was the most important. I mean, come on, eternal salvation and a repulsive slate wiped entirely clean? Redemption for our hopeless and mortal souls? I'd say it's a pretty critical destination as it pertains to you and me. Jesus has this crazy amazing balance between being goal-oriented and detail-oriented. He gives His full attention to the petty interruptions while still, somehow, prioritizing the goal. He has the upper hand as He is, well, perfect, but it is still something I am striving to emulate. Jesus was focused on His goal, gave His full attention and His full compassion to the interruptions, and never lost track of where He was going. He was always pushing forward in the same direction, even if He paused for a bit. 

Jesus says in Matthew 6:34:

Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

So, the lesson for me? 

1. Stay focused. Never lose sight of the goal. Always press forward to that goal, but
2. Everything that crosses my path is intentional. I have to give my best to every interruption and hiccup along the way, or the goal serves no purpose. 
3. My God is guiding me and blessing me along the way. We know as believers that He is in control, but as a type-A perfectionist, I tend to forget that He is in complete control. That end goal that I'm following is constant and infinite and unchanging even when my circumstances are not. I have nothing to worry about.

"The last and final word is this: fear God. Do what He tells you. & that's it." Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

I've been thinking lately about if my approach to...everything is too strong. With the 2012 presidential election rapidly approaching, the need for jobs becoming ever-so eminent, the never-ending list of questions about what I'm going to do after I graduate, & so on...I wonder if I'm taking life too seriously...am I too passionate about small issues? Obviously this question stems from comparison of myself to those around me. What about all those sayings like: "Do whatever you want, just be happy", "celebrate we will, for life is short but sweet for certain" or that new pop/rap/hip-hop/whatever song "so what we get drunk, so what we smoke weed..." I don't think I need to finish. Are these artists on to something?

Heeeeck no. It's not even close.

That thought lived in my mind for approximately six seconds before I came to a more realistic conclusion.

Excuse my honesty (actually, just don't), but what is the point of living at all if I don't live with purpose? The title of my blog "I'm off and running & I'm not turning back" is taken from Philippians 3:14. Paul is a textbook example of a man living with a purpose. Writing & preaching from within a prison cell, completely determined to spread the Truth.

Let's be realistic, Molly. What if you're wrong? What if this whole Christianity thing is a hoax? What then?

I know a lot of people blow those questions off, but I'm not going to.

So let's say it's all fake. I've invested my entire life in a fairytale. Okay, let's play this out.

Dust to dust. From dust I came & to dust I shall return. If I'm 90, on my death bed, & I have some phenomenal epiphany that everything I've invested my life in is not real, will I regret? Will the first thing that comes to mind be the fact that I only had sex with my husband? That I spent possibly years of my life listening to & singing songs of praise to a God that doesn't exist? That I didn't have an ounce of alcohol until I was 21? That I could count the college parties I went to on one hand? That the people I spent the majority of my time with were people who shared the same values & encouraged such "goody-goody" behaviors? That in high school I was cyber-bullied for taking a stand? That my whole life was sprinkled with random bouts of persecution?

I can honestly say no, I would not regret.


I'll think of the hope I had. I'll think of those I loved deeply & how blessed I was to be so deeply loved in return. I'll think of the beautiful places I got to see & the sometimes incomprehensible blessings I inherited on a daily basis. If my life was 100% within my control, I will consider myself to be the luckiest person to have ever lived because every positive & negative experience I had shaped my character & development. I will recollect the countless ways that the innumerable amount of people I met touched & changed my life. I'll remember learning that giving is the ultimate joy & hard work produces the most supreme satisfaction. I'll remember the times I spent in my husband's arms, feeling & experiencing, giving & receiving a love so intense that I thought for certain my heart would leap out of my chest. I'll see all the mind-images of my gorgeous children entering & exiting each stage of their lives. I'll inhale deeply & exhale slowly as I consider the nearly unbearable pain that the scattered battles in my life brought me & faintly smile because by some great mystery, I made it through. I will do my best to remember the now-faded images of my childhood & the faces of my parents who have long since passed, & hope, as I lay still on that bed in my final moments, that the values they did their best to instill within me were not pearls to swine. I'll hope that the light that they carried so surely & brightly was even just half as illuminated within me. But more importantly than all of my precious memories, I will be ready to die because my life had a purpose that gave me a drive & fulfillment that I could never conjure up on my own.
So, with a frail & decrepit body that gave its very best to me, combined with a heart full of peace, gratefulness, & joy; I will return to the dust from which I came, confident that if I had the opportunity to go back & try again, there is not one thing I would change.


I am by no stretch of the imagination a scholar or an expert in any field whatsoever; but if I know anything, I know that the genesis of regret most often can be traced back to a lack of a virtue or the absence of an action. There is no virtue that justifies a self-gratifying life. The search for carnal happiness & satisfaction is a bottomless pit of greed, disappointment, insecurity, uncertainty, &, of course, emptiness.

Thankfully, I know what I believe & what I have dedicated my life to is true. Don't ask me how, & don't ask me to prove it, because all I have is personal experiences & the Book of Truth. I will never cease to live my life passionately & boldly. That's the gift that my Father has so graciously given me: zest.
Albert Einstein & I share one fundamental similarity:
"I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious."


I digress to the title of my blog:
Friends, don't get me wrong: by no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward -- to Jesus. I'm off and running, & I'm not turning back.
{ Philippians 3:13-14 }

When Jesus saw him...He said, "Do you want to be healed?" John 5:6

I recently heard a pastor say that the first book of the Bible that anyone should read is John. Well, it's a little late for that for me personally, but I recently started reading a chapter a day and I can see why spiritual leaders would suggest young Christians begin their studies there. John gives a wonderful account of Jesus' life that is very easy to understand. I've only been doing this for a week (so I'm only on chapter seven), but so far what I've noticed is that I recognize all of the stories of the miracles, but there are only a few that I have really taken the time to go through and dissect myself. Which is totally awesome, because I have so much untouched material to go through!

One of the many things that amazes me about both the Bible and Jesus Christ Himself is that they are both basic enough for a child to understand, yet complex enough for Theologians to spend years and years analyzing with a fine-tooth comb. Everything is multi-faceted. And it really only makes sense for it to be that way because that is how the Holy Spirit can grab different people during all different walks of life. It's amazing. The more I scrutinize, the more I get out of it...and equally, the more I think He has run out of things to show me to rock my world, the more violently He rocks it.

The Pharisees--oh, the Pharisees. I could sit here and whine about how much I detest them and how much I hate their pride and petty perfectionism, but truth be told, they served an enormous purpose...they wouldn't be talked about in the Scriptures so much if they didn't. Their blind ignorance is one of the biggest ways that Jesus' glory was revealed. They didn't know it, but they were working right alongside the disciples painting that huge, neon, flashy billboard with arrows and fireworks directing attention upward to His heavenly majesty. Every time they tried to call Jesus out for healing on the Sabbath or spending His time with "the least of these", I imagine the King, omnipresent and powerful as He is, laughing to Himself a little bit. Their attempts were so feeble and self-righteous, I can't imagine that He would respond in any other way. Man does He love them, but boy were they off. The reason I bring up the Pharisees is because without their obnoxious tattle-taling and nitpicking, they would not have drawn more attention to the miracle that Jesus executes.

Which brings me, I suppose, to John 5. Jesus is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate at a place called the pool of Bethesda. In Hebrew, Bethesda means "house of grace" or "house of mercy". The pool of Bethesda is where the sick, crippled, and paralyzed would go because of its rumored healing powers when the water stirred. They would lay there, some, for copious amounts of time, outcasted by society, simply waiting. Jesus' miracle in John 5 is about a man who had been lying at the pool for thirty-eight years. Thirty-eight years. Can we just pause for a moment and try to comprehend that amount of time? I know I at almost nineteen years old can't even come close. My parents were in elementary school! I do not know how old this man was, but to have been laying in this one place for almost forty years, what could he possibly have to go back to? His home was the pool of Bethesda. Whether he liked it or not, that pool inhabited by the rejects and the sickest was essentially his. Thirty-eight years is more than enough time to make this man, or anyone for that matter, sick in the head as well. He was accustomed to the life he was forced to live. He was rendered useless in contributing to a society so what does he do? What would you do? We cannot fully comprehend because that isn't necessarily how America is, and obviously we have the gift of medicine and therapy to help heal some of the consequences of our human condition. But for this man, perhaps he went to the pool of Bethesda as a child, believing with all of his heart that this pool contained the rumored healing water to rid him of his repulsive state--to make him clean. How long does one hold on to that hope? What about his family or friends? They could be the most supportive of any group of people that has ever lived, but they couldn't stay there with him. He was alone. Dehumanized, ostracized, and left for dead. Can hope hold on for nearly a lifetime?

Jesus walks up to this man, stretched out by the pool, and asks him a question that is far too often overlooked:


"Do you want to be healed?" (v. 6)


Do I want to be healed? Are you joking? Do you have any idea the misery I live in, day in and day out? I have been a slave to as close to unbearable pain as you can get for thirty eight years. I am incapable of getting into the pool of Bethesda when the water stirs because I have no one to help me in. Every day of my life I wonder if it will be my last and on most days, I really hope it will be my last, because me merely existing is a nuisance at best to everyone. Do you, sir, know what it is like to be a man and not have the ability to even get in a pool of water? I can't do anything on my own and even if there were someone here to help me it wouldn't matter because I would just create a bigger burden in his life. But you know what? After nearly forty years of the same exact mundane, painful, and utterly useless things every day, I almost believe that even if I were healed, for me to start over would be almost, if not already, impossible. I've completely lost touch with anything that happens outside of this place and I would be dreadfully lost were I to see it again. On the other side of healing there is self-restoration and that restoration doesn't come easily.

Jesus' miracles always mean something and they are always symbolic. The beauty of the multi-faceted nature of Jesus and His work is that the symbols can change even when Jesus never does. We are the scattered around the healing pool of Bethesda. The sickest of the sick, the empty, the worthless, the broken, the useless, the most repulsive, and the hurting. Some of us have been sick for what feels like thirty eight years...some of us have been sick for maybe a week, some our entire lives, but it doesn't matter.

Do you want to be healed?


Be honest with yourself as I am honest with myself: do you sit in your misery and complain about the dreadful pain you're in or the seemingly worthless nature of your life? Stuck in a sinful cycle that never seems to end? Does it seem to just be one negative thing after the other? Can't catch a break? What about when the opportunity arises to be made well, whole, clean, pure? It seems obvious in this man's case that he would immediately say yes, right? It also seems obvious that in your hurting state and in my hurting state that we would jump on any opportunity to have the brokenness put back together. Jesus is Healer. He is the Healer. But He doesn't do your life for you. Do you want to be healed? You have the choice.

Jesus tells the man in verse seven, "Get up, take your bedroll, and start walking." After thirty-eight years of painful paralysis, YOU figure out how to get back on your feet. It's painful, son, and yes, you are quite a bit rusty. But I promise you that there is life and life abundant beyond the perimeter of this miserable place, and I promise you even more that yes, it's going to hurt and yes, it's going to be hard, but if you put your faith in Me, your life will flourish more than you can even begin to imagine. So get up, man; I am right here to catch you when you fall.